AI Summary of 6 key ideas
1、Weirdness is a phenomenon that affects us all – whether or not we realize it.
The first thing you should know is that if you feel weird, you’re not alone. Whether you were bullied in school, or work in a field where most of your colleagues don’t look, sound, or act like you, feeling different is something almost everyone has experienced.
And it’s a phenomenon that’s growing, in the US at least. According to the author’s research, 54 percent of Americans have had the feeling that no one knows them very well.
But even if you’ve never felt weird, there’s an increasing polarization of American society – and it reflects the fact that lots of us are very uncomfortable when we feel out of place. We don’t talk to our neighbors anymore, and we definitely don’t make friends with people who have different political views.
The key message here is: Weirdness is a phenomenon that affects us all – whether or not we realize it.
Maybe you recognize that weirdness deserves your attention. But how do you pinpoint when, exactly, something is weird? Some things aren’t so clear-cut; like pornography, weirdness can be hard to define – you know it when you see it.
The author, Olga Khazan, is no stranger to feeling like an outsider. When she was a toddler, her parents moved the family from Russia to a small city in West Texas. People there recognized Olga and her family as “weird” right away. Curious Texans would join her father’s Russian language course just to ask questions about Russia. One weathered man came to a session to ask, “Are there horses in Russia?” – and, after learning that indeed there were, never returned.
In her research, Olga interviewed over three dozen people whom society has labeled nonconformists and weirdos. Each has suffered the consequences of life on the fringes, whether through being physically different, or simply pursuing a career outside the norm. One interviewee, Daniel, is a teacher working in early childhood education – where men make up just 2 percent of employees. Another, Julia, is a female NASCAR driver competing in a sport where a woman has never won a top race.
But Olga, Daniel, and Julia have all managed to transform their weirdness into their superpower. In these blinks, you’ll learn how they did it – and how you can mimic their success.
2、Our brains are partly to blame for why we treat difference with suspicion.
Accepting difference in other people can be really challenging – and at least part of the blame lies with our hardware. The human brain likes familiarity, which is why we seek out people who look and think like us.
In fact, according to one researcher, friendship groups tend to be so similar that if you ask questions on a hundred different topics, the group will agree 86 percent of the time. This can feel cozy when you’re out at brunch. But it stops you from growing and developing.
3、Being singled out can be ruinous for your health.
Do you remember the last time you felt slighted by a friend? For many of us, it’s just about the worst feeling there is. You not only feel sad and lonely – you wonder if you’ll ever feel happy again.
But it’s not only fights with friends that are destabilizing. Being ignored, laughed at, or discriminated against by strangers can also make us upset. Studies show that being ostracized by strangers starts to take an emotional toll after just three minutes.
4、Overcoming the hardship of being an outsider can lead to big rewards.
You’ve learned how being seen as weird can wreak havoc on your health and happiness, but that’s not the whole story. Scientists find that people actually like being part of exclusive groups. We want to fit in – but just enough. Think about how you stopped liking that indie band once everyone else discovered them, and you’ll get the idea.
Unique traits make us memorable – whether it’s physical, like having a prominent beauty mark, or an aspect of our personality. Part of the reason we like people who are a bit different is that they tend to be more creative.
5、Adopting some simple strategies will help you feel more at ease with your weirdness.
If you’re a nonconformist trying to survive as the odd one out, you’ll be happier and healthier if you learn how to transform your weirdness into a superpower. But it won’t happen overnight. Putting your unique qualities to work takes effort.
Olga’s interview subjects reveal several useful strategies for helping others see your weirdness as a strength. Of course, the first person you need to convince is yourself – so cast yourself in a positive light to build greater self-confidence.
6、The community you end up in should be somewhere you can let your weirdness shine.
As a weird person, you have a choice to make. Will you carry on living in a community that doesn’t reflect who you are? Will you uproot your life and move somewhere you can be yourself? Or will you decide on an in-between option, and straddle two communities? For the vast majority of weird people, the latter option is best – despite a measure of discomfort that comes with not quite fitting in anywhere.
During the course of her research, Olga Khazan discovered that weird people may all be weird, but they’re not all weird in the same way. It’s impossible to predict what will work for anyone else. Instead you must test the limits of what you’re comfortable with, and make adjustments that work for you.
